Got Problems? Sex, Love, and Relationship advice from SuicideGirls Team Agony


Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony

Submitted by SG_Blog

Edited by nicole_powers

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Sassie, Tita, and Setsuka
http://suicidegirlsblog.com/



[Tita in West Coast]

Q: I have a rather long situation here. It all started about a year ago. I was working at a local Mexican food place. I met a woman there. I say that cause she is 38 and I am 29. Not much of an age difference. So we get to talking and we get along, cracking jokes, some NSFW. Then she gets fired and I don’t see her again until about a month ago. We saw each other in a local bar, had a few, caught up on things and exchanged numbers. We texted each other and met up at the bar again the next weekend. We hung out, drink, I watched her play pool, and we kissed a few times. Then we went to eat after a night of drinking. Then some drama happens. She ended up crying. I comforted her. Before we left to go home we stood in the parking lot and I held her. Everything seemed to be going well.

Then, the last time we hung out, she said some things that really got me all twisted up. She confessed to me that she doesn’t get with “good guys” like me cause she doesn’t want to get attached and then have something “as always” come along and mess it up. I didn’t know what to say. She told me that a big fear of hers is that a good guy would be right in her face and she wouldn’t know it. I joked, “Well he is probably sitting beside you and not standing in front of you.” She laughed, and after awhile we hugged and parted ways.

That conversation has been on my mind for the last few days. I don’t know what to say. My heart says to stick around ‘cause she makes me feel better about myself. I laugh and smile more when I am around her. I think of her constantly. We click really well. Everything seems so right. We have both confessed to “liking” each other multiple times. I guess my question is A) do I wait it out and see where it goes? or B) Just stay friends, be there for her when she needs me, and ;eave it at that? Or is there a 3rd option?

Sincerely,

Confused in Texas

A: I believe in romance, but I’m definitely not a hopeless romantic. It’s lovely that you two click, enjoy each others company, and that you think of her often. She certainly seems to acknowledge that you are good and caring, and are an overall “good guy.” However, I think that her statement regarding not knowing when “it’s right in front of her face” is a very big clue as to what to do…

Humans crave comfort, love, and support. We long to be safe, warm, well fed, and secure. When it comes to a partner, these items are usually high on the list of “wants.” The rules of relationships are simple (although in practice, it’s never easy to follow them). If someone “wants” you, they will let you know. There should be no question as to whether or not they like what you are offering, and want it in their life.

From where I’m sitting, it looks like you are prepared to provide, or work together to have all of those things, and yet, she is not running into your arms, and accepting comfort, love, and support from you. She is resistant to your good nature and care. Pay attention to that! I believe that ultimately, our fate is our own. For her to believe that things will go wrong because they “always do” indicates that she has a pattern of this in her life. She is the common denominator in those situations. (Now, I should point out that I’m in no way implying that people deserve everything they get. However, when it comes to life patterns and negative experiences, we have the power to change them for the better.)

Fear is not positive. It holds people back, and prevents them from experiencing, embracing and enjoying good things. She is scared she will miss out on a great guy, yet you are right next to her! You could be all that she wants and more, but if she is too scared to go for it, you will be left waiting, and in the end, heart broken.

In answer to your question, I think there is a third option! I believe you should take all your goodness, care and support, and find someone who sees it, wants it, and embraces it. What could make you feel better about yourself than that?

Standing up for ourselves is never easy, but I really do think you can do better.

Good luck!

Tita

***

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: [email protected]

+ There are no comments

Add yours